Another OB/GYN appointment

I'm at the Mater again...sitting at the cafe, waiting for my appointment whilst watching the lift open and close with heavily pregnant women shuffling in and out. People with balloons and flowers visiting, and the yang of witnessing other patients pushing their frames slowly obviously fraught with pain as they struggle to ride a lift. 

A familiar excitement warms my heart as I anticipate the birth of my gorgeous little girl at this lovely hospital in only 19 weeks time. 

I reminise about 4 years ago when I sat at the same table with my dad, only 1 week after Luca's birth and the breakfast routine we had whilst he was in ICU. It was a bonding experience for us. A wonderful memory marked in time. The early morning car pool to get here in time for the attempts at breast feeding Luca's little premature body - not ready for the onslaught of a boob forced in his mouth. I still have a bittersweet memory of Luca in those first 2 weeks here. The nurses were wonderful, the heartbreak of not having my baby with me all the time horrid and the uncertainty if there was any permanent damage unnerving.

A pinch of dread quickly enters my thoughts at the idea that it could happen again. A new mother's worst nightmare, a sick child. I pray that it won't happen to my little girl. With every kick, a sense of relief and the bathroom stops without the sight of blood an accomplishment.

The days I don't feel a kick or very little is torture. The role of mother starts from conception. You worry for your unborn child's safety, their health and their sense of happiness already. And it will never stop.

These appointments are a blessing - I liken it to receiving a pass mark from a teacher. "Job well done - you're going well this term". 

Not doing well is like failing an exam - there is no one else to blame but yourself.

But I'm not trying to think of that.... I'm here with a positive outlook, I know that I have prayed enough for a healthy child. I'm doing everything I can.. Only time will tell... And if it happens again... So be it... I know what I'm in for. But knock on wood that it won't happen. Please god, please. 

I'll keep you posted on what happens after this... Stay tuned. 

IT'S A GIRL

We had our 19 week ultrasound and we found out it was a GIRL!!

It was such an amazing day - shared with my mum which made it even more special.

Then and now

Pregnant with Luca  (1) and second pregnancy  2) 

18 weeks

Appetite is starting to increase and I've noticed that when I'm at home I eat terribly unhealthy food and at work I'm an angel. Thankfully I'm there more! today I took Luca to the beach. I'm trying to spend quality time with him before the baby arrives and I'm doing things that are fun and memorable. I ate crap. And feel guilty about it because I haven't been taking my pregnancy vitamins. They just made me so sick because of their taste that I went off them. But I hope there ate no repercussions. 

1 week to ho before we find out the gender of the baby.  Super excited!! 

My smooch

A small bleed..a loss of name...and an excruciating wait..

What a shitty day!!

Where do I start?

How about the fact my boss and I were chatting about our relevant pregnancies (she's 6 weeks behind me)...and out of no where we started talking about baby names and she drops that she wants to call her daughter Melina....WTF??????????? and not just Melina....but Melina Rose!!! I cant believe it.....this has happened to me twice now....first with mentioning my favourite name to Lisa and of course she blabbed it to her pregnant sister who in-turn named her daughter Sophia...(don't make me go into the story but Lisa is a bad lier on how her sister found the name) and now this....

I can't get a break...honestly...  

Cant really do anything until I know for sure the sex of the baby...which will either happen tonight when we see the OB-GYN....or in 3 weeks time for my 19/20 week anatomy scan.

I made sure to mention my boys names in the process of being shocked to the core....what pisses me off the most is that she didnt even know what the name means!!! For heavens sake...

Then...at lunchtime...I go to the bathroom and I've noticed I've had a bleed....nothing major...just a little dark brown (sorry TMI)...now I'm scared.  Thoughts keep running through my head about the most dire of scenarios.

Imagine loosing the baby now...?!  

It would mean so much loss...and the possibility of mum not seeing me have a second child....(too painful to even think about).

So now I'm here waiting in the Mater cafe for Dave to see if this pregnancy is still viable...or if, we have to go through more heartache.

stay tuned.

16 weeks

So far this pregnancy has been complication free. No bleeding like when I was pregnant with Luca and no stress about what the next few months had in stall (knock on wood).

I feel confident, excited and a little bit apprehensive.

Will I be able to cope with two children...? my patience is already small with a screaming 3 year old...how will I handle it?  

The advantages are...I'm not working on Dizenya this maternity leave.  I'm going to take the whole year off completely...which means an opportunity to purely focus on Dave, Luca and the baby.

I'm excited about giving back to Dave...I feel extremely guilty about not being able to do housework whilst this morning sickness lingers into its 4th month.

That's the only downside to this pregnancy...the morning sickness...but sadly, I need it. I don't have any other symptom (Dave would argue grumpiness)...I know I would drive him crazy worried about the viability  of the pregnancy if I didn't have a symptom...and yet I complain endlessly about feeling crook.

Cant win.

Soon I will feel the baby move...and the gender.

I feel this time its a baby girl....Ive got hips which require sensitive mannovouring through doorways..but we'll see - I have a OB-GYN appointment on Thursday followed by gender ultrasound in  3 weeks.